Today I'm talking about things I consider wrong when describing
sex and the organs, I will agree that I have read some books where the sex scenes are so horrible, or so awkward that it makes me cringe, or giggle out loud. I know personally that at times, it can be trying to change up the sex scenes in each book so not to become repetitive. Each author has their own way of writing sex, bringing two characters together. But if writing a sex scene is so difficult that you stumble or push it too hard (No pun intended) that it comes out awkwardly, then maybe romance and erotic romance isn’t your stuff.
Even some of the most famous authors have trouble at some point in their career. I know I’ve struggled at times, still, I have never written what in romance is called Purple Pros. Those are the lines that are so cheesy, so flowery, so…ridiculous, that it makes the reader chuckle (Well, some readers). I’ve never been accused of writing Purple Pros and thank god for that. Still, there are those out there that struggle. It makes me wonder though, why some authors who obviously can’t pull together a good sex scene, have them in their book. Are they doing it to draw attention, the shock factor, or to merge with the new market of erotic romance? An author should never spray sex into a book just for the sake of sex if it truly doesn’t belong there, or if they’re not comfortable writing it. From the very moment I started writing romance, sex was a prominent part of the book.
There was never any question that the two individuals I have in the story would engage in sex during the telling of their story. It’s just how I write, who I am. I would never try to write a story I wasn’t comfortable with. It wouldn’t flow. Not to say I don’t try new things in writing, I do, but I have to be comfortable with it. I think the authors below struggled just a bit. There are just some things that should not be flowered. Here are a few suggestions I have for not using when writing sex scenes in books.
For instance: Purple headed monster. Throbbing joystick of love. Sword ready to pierce, are not good descriptions for the male penis.
No no’s for describing the vagina: Forested cave entrance. Dark hole. Moist glistening pond. And Tunnel of love.
Bad ways to describe love making: Positioned between her legs she felt his knob pierce her cave. She rocked over his hot volcano and screamed when his lava poured into her. He probed her with his fingers like a Gynecologist doing an exam. (This one is just…ick)
And oral sex should never be described as. He licked her like a child feverishly licked a lollipop. Using children in reference to oral sex is so wrong.
She devoured his cone, enjoying the sweet cream that melted in her mouth. Really? Where do I begin to explain how wrong this is. LOL
And women’s breasts are not: Snow globes, baseballs, eggs, rock candy, just to name a few.
These are examples of Worst Sex Scenes.
• "My nipples waved hello at him as he pulled down the cups of my bra."
• “His man lance prepared for duty.”
Bottom of Form• "I let my hand stroke boldly downward, my fingers aching to set him free, to grasp his turgid magnificence."
• “Fuck me,” I said. “Fuck me, God, fuck me, just fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, please, please, please, just fuck me.” (A little desperate)
• "...I had my very own orgasm, a moment so explosive it was like I'd been saving up for a holiday."
• "He was a velvet rock in my hand."
• “He groaned and lifted her up under her thighs, her legs wrapping around his waist, her hot, molten core pressing against his groin.”
• "She has seaweed pubes." (Ewe)
• “His body knew only one goal, to bury itself into the snug fist of her femininity and let it milk him dry.”
• “Her pubes was a field of wheat after the harvest, a field neatly furrowed; it was a nest, a pomegranate, an arrowhead, a rune. It was a shadow. It was moss on a smooth white stone. There was an orchid within the moss. There was a drop of dew upon the orchid. It had the breath of moss-beds, of the deep seas, of the abyss, of scrimshaw and blue glass, of cold iron; she had the sex of rain forests, the ibis and the scarab; she had the sex of mirrors and candles, of the hot, careful winds that stroke the veldt, the winds that taste of clay and seed and blood; the winds that dreamed of tawny, lean animals.”
Do you agree with me that some things should be left unsaid?
So, there you have it. My opinion of things not to use when writing romance. I encourage anyone who has r4ead my books and come across such painful descriptions to let me know. Who knows, you may win something. 😉
TTFN
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